Lance was one of a dozen or so guys that held the unenviable rank as being my best friend for an unspecified period of time. Our time as comrades was during the bulk of 1988. Oddly enough, we first met on bad terms when I made some wisecrack about Lance’s appearance during Miss Joyner’s math class at Beavercreek High School. He called me on it…and consequently garnered my respect. It wasn’t long before we became the best of friends and were practically inseparable for the Summer of ‘88. Among the friends that I had at the time, Lance was certainly the most ‘out there’ - specifically he was a part of the alternative world which was absolutely foreign to me, hence my initial immature digs at him.
Once he had my respect, he also captured my interest with the way he dressed, the music he listened to, and the way he behaved. I had travelled the gamut of personalities while looking for my own during my junior high and high school years, going from class clown, to geek, to hoodlum (or at least the Beavercreek facsimile of one), and now the alternative world. This entailed listening to the alternative and indie music of the day like the Smiths, Depeche Mode, the Pet Shop Boys, Modern English, and the Cure. The first two whom I mentioned became - and remain - two of my all-time favorite bands, and I have Lance to thank for that. It also got me to smoke clove cigarettes and wear a trenchcoat. It would take nearly five years but eventually my foray into the alternative world would finally get me to cut my hair and don a pair of army boots.
After he had introduced me to some new music that I came to love, we also found that we had many other things in common. Of course there was drinking and smoking (but all high school kids have that, right?), but then there was also our love of the TV shows Sanford and Son and The Carol Burnett Show, our sense of humor and mischievous nature, our enjoyment of pocket billiards, our Christianity (I would often accompany him to Wednesday night services at this church), trips to Kings Island, and playing computer Family Feud in his basement. He would also often visit me at my workplace Hardees and eventually became friends with my whole crew at the time: Rusty Berry, Jackie Moore, Christi Adkins, Jennifer Crum, Kim Cummings, Jennifer Bolton, and Carl Lichtenburg.
Unfortunately, there was one area where Lance and I totally differed - and that was in our sexual orientation. At the time, Lance was not yet ‘out of the closet’ - or possibly he legitimately did not know - but this led to some colossal misunderstandings between us and drove a permanent wedge in our friendship once I showed my interest in Jackie and eventually Christi. For many years, it was only the memories of these tumultuous times that any thought of Lance would produce.
It was only recently after shaking off some of the bad feelings and my perception of being manipulated that I decided that I would like to see Lance again and see what he was up to. I had found him on MySpace earlier in the year, but had not felt as if I was ready to communicate quite yet. More recently I had considered looking him up during my next trip to California in 2008. In the meantime, I sent him the link to my 2007 Christmas newsletter.
His friendly and sincere response finally solidified my desire to meet up with him again - and since his P.S. informed me that he was in Beavercreek for the holidays, I knew that I simply must take the opportunity and arrange for a meeting. Being only two days before Christmas, our time was limited, but I finally tracked him down on his cell phone while he was doing some last-minute shopping at the Fairfield Mall with his Mom.
Jackie and I headed there and sure enough, once I saw him, it was as if nearly twenty years had melted away. He still could do his Tim Conway and Redd Foxx impression to a tee, just like always. He beamed the same old smile and cracked the same kind of jokes. His ambition had always been to move to Los Angeles and enter the medical field…and he had fulfilled his dream, getting ready to soon graduate with his degree in anesthesiology. We only chatted for about fifteen minutes, but covered nearly all of the bases as to what we were now doing with our lives, how our families were, etc. It was nice to also see his Mom after all these years - and time had been very kind to her as well.
Me, Lance, and Jackie - 19 years later
It was good to see Lance, and although our friendship did not stand the test of time and circumstance, I’d like to thank him for the influence that he did have on my life. In his way, he opened my eyes to a broader world and his outlook has certainly reverberated into my modern-day persona.
Continue to the next reunion…
Return to the Christmas countdown ‘07…
How funny. That graduation picture says it all… Well, you can tell I was certainly trying to understand it all.
Certainly, if I was hiding being gay, it was impossible to know who else was hiding it as well. The truth is, consciousness of who I was then was not available to me and so I was unable to recognize something was hiding. It was a miracle though, finding someone who genuinely cared enough for me that even through platonic love I felt wanted and needed and loved.
Prior to coming to Beavercreek High School, I promised my mom that I would kill myself if I was forced to attend Dayton Christian School one more year. For it was at that school, I had no one standing behind me to defend me from kids spitting on me, writing horrific messages all over my desk so that when I would sit and begin reading the class would turn around and begin laughing.
I thank God for the angels that came into my life at a time when I struggled between knowing my life was not worthy of living and wondering if by chance, if I got away… somewhere far away that life may be different somewhere else.
There is nothing I regret.
My past imaginations have made me the visionary I am today. The amazing aloneness that overwhelmed me throughout my childhood renews a healing force within me that extends through my career in nursing and now in medicine.
It was angels like Brad, and like many others, who went out on a limb and did the best they could with a dying soul like me. Without them, where would I be?
So Brad, when you say you felt manipulated, I didn’t know enough nor have the confidence to put into place strategies to manipulate you, nevertheless I understand how you felt manipulated. I don’t see it that way. Today, I look back and just recall the courage it took to take risks and be my friend.
So thank you. Your love carried me through very dark years.
I don’t recall the end of our friendship. I was completely lost and my inner pain of being me truly prevented me from being able to navigate or store memories of such events.
I just look back and remember seeing you and Christie and knowing then that that was right and we were not. From that point forward it was a series of setting up scenarios of impossible feats for love to overcome and then the true miracle came one day when I stopped testing my love and simply began sharing it with those who wanted it.
You would not recognize my inner being today, unless you caught me doing the Fred G Sanford shuffle or the Tim Conway scoot “Barn’s on fire!” Yes, these are the very few remnants of me from years ago.
Wishing you the very best!
Lance
Lance
September 18th, 2008
I remember Lance. He was a walking, talking Jon Hughes film character… and Jon Hughes film characters are awesome. Oh, and Lance is gay? I will tell you the same thing I told my friend, we’ll call him “Kevin”, when he told me he was gay… “Man, it’s about time you figured that out.” Just kidding, Lance. You were a great guy. One of those guys who I’ll never forget from High School.
john
September 18th, 2008